I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
