You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
