My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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