dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
