What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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