dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
