i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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