I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
