The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
