brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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