just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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