Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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