He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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