i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
