She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think your dad took our porno
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
