bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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