you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
