I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
