Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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