I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You took a bar mat shot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
