the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
