My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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