My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do vagina's smell?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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