my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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