Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
