I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
