uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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