I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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