Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
