If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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