ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
