1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
