Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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