you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
