alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
