can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
