saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
