If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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