btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
