Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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