Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
