Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
