I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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