Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
