Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
