Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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