I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
