he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
