My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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