I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
