i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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