I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
